You return to work after maternity leave.
You've worked out the childcare.
You've figured out the morning routine.
You've got through those first few weeks of feeling a little out of place.
And eventually, things start to feel more manageable.
You begin to think you've found your rhythm.
Then something changes.
Your child starts nursery and seems to pick up every illness going.
Your working arrangements stop fitting quite as well as they did.
Or you suddenly find yourself trying to navigate school holidays, inset days and a whole new set of logistics.
And you're back to trying to work it all out again.
This is something we don't talk about enough when we discuss returning to work after having children.
We often treat the return as a single event.
But for many parents, it's the beginning of a much longer period of adjustment.
Returning to work isn't a one-off transition
When you're preparing to return from maternity leave, there's usually a lot of attention on that first day.
What will you wear?
How will the childcare work?
Will you remember how to do your job?
How will you feel leaving your baby?
These are big questions.
And getting through those first few weeks can feel like an achievement in itself.
But what happens next?
Because your child doesn't stay the same age.
Your family circumstances don't stay the same.
And the arrangements that worked when you first returned won't necessarily work a year or two later.
The challenge isn't always finding one perfect way to balance work and family life.
Sometimes it's recognising that the balance will need to keep changing.
First comes the return from maternity leave
In the beginning, you're learning how to combine two parts of your life that may previously have felt quite separate.
You're reconnecting with your professional identity.
Getting used to being away from your child.
Managing new routines.
And working out how to fit everything into the hours available.
For some women, returning to work feels exciting.
For others, it brings questions about confidence, identity or whether they still want the same things from their careers.
And many experience a mixture of both.
There's a term for the wider transition into motherhood: matrescence.
It describes the psychological, social and identity changes that can accompany becoming a mother.
But while we often talk about matrescence in relation to pregnancy and early motherhood, the experience of adjusting to being a parent doesn't necessarily stop once you've returned to work.
Your circumstances continue to evolve.
And sometimes that means revisiting questions you thought you'd already answered.
Then childcare changes everything again
Perhaps you've finally found a routine that works.
You know what time you need to leave the house.
You've worked out nursery drop-offs.
You've figured out how to manage meetings around pickup times.
And then your child gets ill.
Again.
Suddenly you're rearranging work, negotiating who can take time off and trying to manage the competing demands of being needed in two places.
It's not necessarily that you haven't planned well enough.
It's that childcare, particularly with young children, can be unpredictable.
And that unpredictability can be difficult to accommodate in workplaces built around fixed expectations.
For some parents, this becomes one of the hardest parts of returning to work.
Not the job itself.
But trying to do the job within a set of circumstances that keep changing.
Then school brings a whole new set of challenges
Just when you think you've got childcare figured out, your child starts school.
And the logistics change again.
School finishes earlier than many working days.
There are inset days.
School holidays.
Assemblies.
After-school clubs.
And the occasional message asking you to send your child in wearing something you definitely don't have at home.
Suddenly, the childcare arrangements that worked before no longer quite fit.
You might find yourself questioning your working hours again.
Or reconsidering whether your current role gives you the flexibility you need.
Perhaps you start thinking about going part-time.
Or changing jobs.
Or whether you want to progress into a role with greater responsibility.
These aren't necessarily questions about your ability to do your job.
They're questions about how your career fits alongside a changing family life.
And they're worth taking seriously.
Your career is changing too
Of course, it's not just family life that evolves.
Your career continues to develop.
You might be offered a promotion.
Your team might change.
You may find yourself wanting more responsibility.
Or you may realise that the career path you were working towards before having children doesn't feel quite right anymore.
Sometimes the difficult part is that both things are changing at once.
Your children need something different from you.
And you want something different from your work.
That can create a feeling of constantly needing to reassess.
Do I still want this?
Can I make it work?
Am I making the right decision?
And perhaps the most frustrating question of all:
Why haven't I figured this out yet?
Why working motherhood can feel like a constant adjustment
I think one of the reasons this can feel so difficult is that we often expect ourselves to find a solution and stick to it.
The right routine.
The right working hours.
The right childcare arrangement.
The right balance.
As though there's a point where everything finally clicks into place.
But family life doesn't work like that.
Children grow.
Their needs change.
Relationships change.
Care responsibilities can change.
And our own ambitions and priorities can change too.
Something that worked brilliantly six months ago might no longer be the right arrangement.
That doesn't necessarily mean it was the wrong decision.
It may simply mean your circumstances are different now.
Perhaps the goal isn't to find a permanent balance. Perhaps it's to become more confident in recognising when something needs to change.
What helps when work and family life keep changing?
There's no single routine or arrangement that will work for everyone.
And some challenges require changes from employers, not simply more effort from parents.
But there are a few things that can help you think more clearly when everything feels difficult to manage.
1. Ask what's actually changed
When something that used to work starts feeling difficult, it's easy to assume you're doing something wrong.
Instead, try asking:
What's different now compared with when I made this decision?
Perhaps your childcare arrangements have changed.
Perhaps your workload has increased.
Perhaps your child needs something different.
Or perhaps your own priorities have shifted.
Understanding what's changed can help you identify what needs attention.
2. Revisit expectations you've been holding on to
Sometimes we continue expecting ourselves to operate in exactly the same way, even when our circumstances are completely different.
Maybe you're still trying to work the same hours.
Take on the same additional responsibilities.
Or maintain the same standards in every part of your life.
It's worth asking whether those expectations still make sense.
Not because you need to lower your ambitions.
But because you may need to think differently about how you achieve them.
3. Have conversations before things become unsustainable
If your working arrangements are becoming difficult, it may be time to talk to your manager.
What flexibility is available?
Are there changes that could help?
Are expectations around availability and workload clear?
Not every workplace will be able to accommodate every request.
But having the conversation can help you understand your options rather than trying to manage everything silently.
4. Give yourself permission to reconsider decisions
Perhaps you decided to return full-time and now you're wondering about part-time work.
Perhaps you went part-time and are beginning to miss aspects of your career.
Perhaps you thought you'd want a promotion by now, but you're questioning whether it's the right time.
You're allowed to revisit those decisions.
Changing your mind doesn't automatically mean you made the wrong choice before.
It may mean you've learned more about what you need.
One question to ask when everything feels difficult again
If you're at a point where work and family life no longer seem to fit together, try asking yourself:
What has changed, and what needs to change with it?
It sounds simple.
But it's a different question from:
Why can't I manage this?
The first invites you to look at your circumstances and your options.
The second can leave you questioning your capability.
And sometimes the most helpful thing isn't to push yourself harder.
It's to recognise that the arrangement you're trying to make work was designed for a different stage of your life.
You don't have to have it all figured out
Returning to work after maternity leave can feel like such a significant milestone.
And it is.
But it isn't the point where everything suddenly becomes settled.
There will be other changes.
Other decisions.
Other moments when you need to work out what you want and what will work for your family.
Some will be straightforward.
Others might leave you questioning things you thought you were certain about.
That's part of why I think we need to talk about the transition back to work as something bigger than the first few weeks.
Because the challenge isn't simply getting back to your old life.
It's finding ways to build a working life that can evolve alongside the rest of it.
And sometimes that means recognising that what worked before doesn't have to be what works next.
Finding clarity when work and family life no longer fit
At The Parent Shift, I support women who are navigating changes in their confidence, identity and relationship with work after becoming mothers.
Sometimes that's about preparing to return from maternity leave.
Sometimes it's about settling back into a role.
And sometimes it's years later, when the arrangements that once worked no longer feel right.
Through one-to-one coaching, we create space to explore what's changed, what matters to you now and what you want to do next.
My three-session coaching package is £395.
Explore one-to-one coaching or book a free introductory conversation.
And if you're not ready for coaching, you can start with my free guide to confidence, identity and work after motherhood.